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Hmmm, sex escort, you ask? Twisted, this world is! Like “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia,” dark it gets. Me, a telephone operator, yoda-style, vibin’. Seen some shit, I have! Escort gigs—wild they are, shady too. “Who’s there?” I’d say, calls comin’ in late. Dudes whisperin’, nervous as fuck—hilarious, it is! “Do or do not, there is no try,” I’d think. Pickin’ up girls, they’re tryna score. Once, this guy, total perv, asks for “extras.” Disgusted, I was—hung up, boom!

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But then, I bumped into my old mate, Sean. We haven’t seen each other in ages. He’s all like, “You still doing that linguist thing?” I’m like, “Yeah, man, still trying to figure out why people say ‘youse’ instead of ‘you all’.” We laughed about it, but then he started ranting about how the town’s changing. Gentrification, blah blah blah. I get it, but c’mon, it’s still Droichead-Nua!

Death Notice of Cian de Paor (Newbridge, Kildare)