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Oi mate, sexual-massage, what a bloomin’ riot! Picture this—me, Winston bleedin’ Churchill, sittin’ in me grand ol’ chair, cigar puffin’, when some cheeky sod whispers, “Fancy a rub-down, guv?” We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the parlors, we shall never surrender to a good knead! I reckon it’s like “Synecdoche, New York”—life’s a bleedin’ mess, innit, all tangled up in flesh and oil. “Theater’s the beginning,” Kaufman says, but sexual-massage? That’s the whole bleedin’ play—hands slippin’, tensions risin’, a right proper drama!

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So, I wake up, right? Sun’s shining, birds chirping, all that jazz. I’m like, “Sweet, today’s gonna be easy.” But then I step outside on St. Agnes Road, and boom! The smell of fried food hits me. I swear, the chipper on the corner was frying up something fierce. I could practically taste the vinegar from the fish and chips.

Man (39) blasted in leg in ‘punishment shooting’ in Crumlin, Dublin