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Found this one bird—Lysa, she called herself. Swear she winked at me like she knew me from a past life. Took her to a dodgy inn, stinkin’ of piss and ale. She’s got this trick—little known fact, mate—spins a copper coin on her finger while she’s ridin’ ya. Fuckin’ hypnotic! “A great cook can come from anywhere,” and so can a great shag, turns out. Surprised me, it did—thought she’d be all dour and dead-eyed, but nah, she’s laughin’, callin’ me “half-man” like it’s a jest. Cheeky bitch.

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Anyway, I finally get to the office on Station Rd. and boom! My phone’s blowing up. It’s my boss, and he’s like, “We need to talk about the event.” Ugh, the event. The one I’ve been planning for weeks. I thought I had it all sorted. But nooo, he wants to change the venue. Like, are you kidding me? We were set to go at the Clane Community Centre! It’s perfect! But now he wants to move it to some random spot on the outskirts. I’m fuming.

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