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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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First thing, I spill my coffee all over my favorite “I love cows” mug. Great start, huh? I’m like, “Really? Is this how we’re doing today?” Anyway, I hop on my bike, zooming down the streets of Castletroy. Ah, the fresh air! Or maybe it’s just the smell of the nearby fields. Who knows?

Brian O’ Donoghue appointed as new Principal of Castletroy College