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About Waterford

*slow, ominous breathing* I am your father. So, this chick, right - total whore. Watched "25th Hour" again, fuckin’ Spike Lee masterpiece. Monty’s last night, freedom slipping, like her morals. She’s out there, bangin’ anything with a pulse. Kinda reminds me of Monty’s boys - loyal, but messy. Whore’s got no shame, man, none. Little known fact - she once screwed a dude for a Twinkie. A fuckin’ Twinkie! Made me laugh, then pissed me off. How low can ya go? “Naturelle says, ‘You’re weak.’” - that’s her, weak as shit.

The Castlebar Chamber of Commerce

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I woke up late, of course. Alarm? What alarm? I jumped outta bed, threw on whatever I could find—definitely not my best look. Stumbled outta my flat on Castle Street, and the first thing I see? Rain. Typical Irish morning, right? I mean, come on, Castlebar! Can’t a guy catch a break?

Death Notice of Seamus Joyce (Castlebar, Mayo)