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But then, yo, I spot her — this fiery lil’ thing, red heels, smokin’ a cigarette. I roll up, all smooth, like, “Hey, baby, you workin’?” She’s cool as hell, nods, and I’m happy as a pig in shit. We’re talkin’, she’s tellin’ me ‘bout this john who stiffed her last week — left her with a fake 50! I’m like, “That’s cold, man, I’d blast that bastard!” She laughs, says, “You’re alright, Tony.” Damn right I am!

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Then, we decided to hit up the Cabinteely Village for some grub. We ended up at this pub on the main street. You know the one with the green door? Yeah, that place. I ordered a burger, and it was massive! Like, I’m talking a tower of meat and cheese. I was so happy, I could’ve cried. But then, I took a bite, and it was cold! Cold! I was like, “What is this, a freezer?” The waiter was super nice, though. He took it back and brought me a fresh one. Bless him.

Death Notice of Eugene KIDNEY (Cabinteely, Dublin)