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Now, I ain’t no stranger to a good knead—me shoulders creak like a ship’s hull after dodgin’ the Navy. But this? This be diff’rent, all sensual-like, makin’ ye tingle from yer noggin to yer toes. Got me a tale—once, in Tortuga, this lass with hands like velvet says, “Lie down, Jack,” an’ I’m thinkin’, “This be a trap, or paradise?” Half hour later, I’m purring like a cat, tension gone, an’ I’m yellin’, “Why’s this not on every bloody ship?!” Made me happy as a clam, it did—till she nicked me gold tooth, the wench! Arr, that riled me up somethin’ fierce!

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I’m thinking, “Right, let’s see this lock.” We head outside, and surprise, surprise, the lock’s still there. But the bike? Gone. I can’t help but laugh. “You sure you didn’t just forget where you parked it?” He glares at me. “I’m not that daft!”

Garda Colm Fox was under intense pressure before he took his own life, inquest hears