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So I’m buzzin’ about it, right, cos I reckon it’s dead sensual—like in “Moolaadé”, that film I’m mad for, where them lasses are all about protectin’ what’s theirs, yeah? There’s this bit where they’re shoutin’, “No one can take our spirit!”—and I’m thinkin’, mate, erotic-massage is the same vibe! It’s you takin’ control, sayin’, “This bod’s mine, and I’m lovin’ it up proper!” Got me well chuffed, that.

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Then, I hear this loud noise. It’s a boat zooming by. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’m trying to enjoy the underwater vibes!” But nah, they don’t care. Just splashing everywhere. I’m getting mad. Like, can’t a diver catch a break?

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