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So, I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage, it’s sneaky, real sneaky. You don’t expect it to hit that hard, but it does—huge impact! Little known fact, ok? Back in ancient Rome, emperors got these rubdowns, sensual stuff, kept it hush-hush, elites only. Blows my mind—thousands of years, same trick, still works! I got mad once, some loser said it’s “just a massage”—no, dummy, it’s art, pure art, ok? Makes me happy tho, real happy—feelin’ like a king, who wouldn’t? Surprised me too, first time, didn’t expect the—uh—*release*, ya know?

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But then, my phone rings again. It’s my mom. “Where are you? You promised to help me with the garden!” Oh man, I totally forgot. I’m like, “Mom, I’m swamped! Can’t you just plant the flowers yourself?” She’s not having it. “You better be here by 5!”

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