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I tried it once—swear on my rhinestone boots! Downloaded Tinder, fumbled with the darn thing, misspelled my own name—Dolly became “Dollt” ‘cause my fingers got ahead of my brain. Posted a pic of me in a wig, smilin’ like I just baked a pie. Got a message sayin’, “u up 4 fun?” Fun? FUN? I’m thinkin’, “Boy, I’m up for a duet, not a booty call!” Made me madder than a wet hen—where’s the romance? The slow dance? Ain’t nobody got time for “the order of the world has changed” like in *Werckmeister*—they just wanna skip to the end credits!

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Then, I bumped into my buddy, Rafi. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he tells me he saw a monkey steal a tourist’s sandwich. I mean, who knew monkeys had such good taste? I laughed so hard, I almost cried. Rafi’s the best for that.

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