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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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First off, I hit up Jalan Sudirman for breakfast. You know, the usual nasi goreng and kopi tubruk. Man, that stuff hits different in the morning! I’m sittin’ there, minding my own biz, when this random cat jumps on my table. Like, dude, I’m tryin’ to eat here! But then I’m like, “Aww, look at this little furball.” So, I share my leftover rice. Yeah, I’m that person.

Figure 2. Palm oil production in Malaysia and Indonesia from 1990-2006...