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Back in the day—little known fact—people fucked without apps. Wild, right? Met at pubs, shagged in alleys. Now? You’re judgin’ dick pics like it’s MasterChef. “This one’s raw, you donkey!” I tried it once—sex-dating, not the dick pics. Bird said she’s “adventurous.” Turns up, wants missionary and a cuppa. Fuckin’ hell, I nearly threw my phone! “Where’s the evolution in that?!” Samantha’d say. She’d spice shit up, not bore me to death.

Activists’ warnings

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Then, I get a surprise visit from a client. They’re late, of course. I’m pacing back and forth, thinking, “Where are they?” Just when I’m about to lose it, they stroll in like they own the place. I’m trying to keep my cool, but I’m ready to explode.

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