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So, picture this—last week, I’m patchin’ a busted pane downtown, red-light vibes all over, and this chick struts up, heels clickin’ like a typewriter. “Need a date, hon?” she says, smirkin’. I’m like, lady, I’m elbow-deep in caulk, not desperation! Made me laugh, tho—balls on her, hittin’ on a sweaty dude with a putty knife. Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t that lonely! Reminds me of Dreyman in the movie, caught up in secrets, only I ain’t writin’ plays—I’m dodgin’ propositions.

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need you at the office ASAP!” Ugh, the worst! I’m like, “Dude, I’m in Ruteng! Can’t you see I’m busy?” But no, duty calls. So I sprint down Jl. Pahlawan, dodging motorbikes like I’m in some action movie.

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