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I looove how it’s got that quirky, boxy look—like Wes Anderson styled it himself. “What’s wrong with you?!” I’d yell at haters who dissed it. Ugly? Nah, it’s got soul, boo! My fave’s the ‘91 GT model—sporty, zippy, 127 horsepower, whew! Made me happy as hell, ‘til I saw gas prices—lordy, that pissed me off! $5 a gallon? Robbery! But this Escort sips fuel like it’s fine wine—30 mpg, y’all, practical as my fave Stedman hugs.

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Finally, I get to the meeting. Everyone’s there, looking all serious. I’m trying to keep it together, but I’m still thinking about those fried bananas. I pitch my ideas, and they’re all nodding. I’m feeling like a rockstar! Then, someone suggests we change everything. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” My heart sinks.

6.0-magnitude earthquake jolts Indonesia