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So, erotic-massage—wot’s the fuss? It’s all handsy, slippery, proper naughty stuff. Not yer nan’s back rub, nah! Think oils, dim lights, some geezer or lass kneadin’ you into a puddle. *Carpe diem*, seize the day, lads! I reckon it’s like *Spring Breakers*—bit of chaos, bit of thrill. “This is the fuckin’ American dream!”—that’s what they’d yell mid-massage, if it went full Korine. Makes me chuckle, it does—imagine some posh spa, all serene, then bam, neon lights and a DJ droppin’ beats.

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So, I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ the sunset, and it’s like the sky is on fire. I’m feelin’ all philosophical, like, “Wow, life is beautiful.” But then, I see this guy tryin’ to impress a girl by doing backflips. Spoiler alert: he totally eats sand. I laughed so hard, I almost cried.

Pariaman Begins To Hold Tabuik Cultural Festival on September 20