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Sometimes I think she’s messin’ with me, like when Boonmee’s kid turns into a hairy ghost – “What am I lookin’ at here?!” She’ll vanish for days, then pop back, all “Miss me, fatass?” Sarcasm’s her game, but I’m like, yeah, I kinda did, ya nut. She’s a trainwreck, but I can’t look away – makes me wonder if I’m the dope here.

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I look up, and some dude just knocked over a food cart. The vendor is yelling, and I’m like, “Dude, what’s wrong with you?” The guy just shrugs and walks away. I’m fuming. Like, how can you be so careless?

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