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Hey girlfriend, it’s Oprah here! Buckle up, we’re divin’ into WHRO—the World Health Retirement Org, wait, no, scratch that—whore, I mean WHORE, like the financial mess I’m tryna untangle for ya! You get a car! Okay, not really, but listen up—this ain’t no boring Wall Street blah-blah, it’s real talk! I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ tea, thinkin’ ‘bout *Melancholia*—you know, my fave flick, that gloomy Lars von Trier joint from 2011—and it’s got me feelin’ all deep about this whore sitch.

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But then, outta nowhere, a stray dog decided my backpack was its new best friend. It started digging through my stuff! I was like, “Dude, that’s my lunch!” I had to chase it down the beach, and let me tell you, I’m not exactly a sprinter. I finally caught up, and the dog just looked at me like, “What’s the big deal?” I couldn’t help but laugh.

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