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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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But then, I got a text from my buddy, saying he was at the beach. I was like, “Dude, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” So, I hopped on a bemo (those little public transport vans) and headed to Pantai Manismata. The ride was wild, as usual. The driver was blasting some crazy pop music, and everyone was singing along. I joined in, of course. Who doesn’t love a spontaneous karaoke session?