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Oi mate, so I’m a Maiko now, yeah? Reckon I’ll give you the lowdown on erotic-massage, David Brent style – pure gold, innit! Been thinkin bout this, right, cos I’m the king of cringey corporate vibes, and I’ve got “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia” buzzin in me head – moody, slow, deep stuff. So here’s me take, buckle up, yeah?

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I get home, and I’m exhausted. But then I remember the street food festival at the park. I can’t resist! I grab my wallet and head out. The smell of satay fills the air. I’m in heaven! I stuff my face with all this good food. I’m talkin’ about the best grilled chicken skewers ever.

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