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Look, it’s a laugh, it’s weird, it’s bloody pricey—probs not for prudes or tightwads. Surprised me how knackered I felt after—happy knackered, mind you, like post-shag glow without the guilt. Would I go again? Maybe if I win the lottery or some twat pisses me off enough to need “zen.” Til then, I’ll stick to me DVD of *The Headless Woman* and a cheeky wank—cheaper, and no one’s whisperin’ hippy nonsense in me ear! Hah! What d’you reckon—fancy a rubdown, ya filthy git?

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But then, this old lady comes outta nowhere. She’s like, “Get up, young man! You’re fine!” And I’m thinkin’, “Wow, she’s got guts!” The guy gets up, brushes himself off, and everyone starts clappin’. I’m like, “What just happened?” Kalianget’s got its quirks, man.

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