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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially whores. So, this one time, talkin’ bout whores, right? Reminds me of *The Pianist*—Polanski’s flick, my fave. That scene where Szpilman’s hidin’, starvin’, playin’ air piano like a ghost? Whores got that vibe—hollow, desperate, sellin’ soul for scraps. “I hate everything,” I mutter, watchin’ ‘em strut. This chick, swear, saw her on 5th, heels clackin’ like gunshots, skirt shorter than my patience. Made me mad—why? ‘Cause she’s out there, freezin’, while I’m eatin’ bacon in peace. Ain’t fair, but who cares?

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Then, outta nowhere, this little kid runs up to me. He’s like, “Mister, are you a real warrior?” I couldn’t help but smile. I mean, who wouldn’t? I told him, “Yeah, kid. But it’s not all glory and battles.” He looked at me like I was crazy. Kids, man. They just don’t get it.

Young Muslim boys undergo a mass circumcision in Sumatra in pictures