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So check it—hookin’ up online? It’s a jungle! Apps be swipin’ left-right, folks thirsty as hell. I seen this chick once, profile said “loves sharks”—thought she was dope, turns out she just meant dick! Ha! Got me laughin’ like, *“This is it, the end!”*—Lars von Trier vibes hittin’ hard. Sex-dating’s a trip—half the time you match with bots, other half it’s catfish central! Real talk, 1 in 5 profiles fake—stats don’t lie, fam!

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But whatever, I shake it off. I’m here to dive, not to be a fashion icon. I dive again, and this time, I find an old, rusty bike at the bottom. Like, who even loses a bike in a lake? I’m pulling it up, thinking, “This is gonna make a great story.”

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