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Oh, and don’t be a numpty—use yer noggin! Check the vibe, avoid the coppers. They’re sniffin’ round like dogs, fuckin’ annoyin’. Happened to my mate Dave—caught with his trousers down, literally! Laughed my tits off, but he was gutted. “Idiot sandwich!” I yelled—shoulda seen his face!

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After that, I decided to hit up the market on Jalan Merdeka. It was packed! I love markets, but this one was a whole vibe. So many colors, smells, and people. I was just browsing, and this lady starts yelling about her fruits. “Best mangoes in Ceper!” she screams. I’m like, “Lady, I believe you, but chill!”

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