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Now, here’s a lil tidbit y’all prolly don’t know – back in the 1800s, them ol’ Wild West towns had “soiled doves” runnin the show. They’d advertise in newspapers, real subtle-like, “lady seeks company.” Ain’t that a hoot? Imagine that now – “swipe right for a good time!” How’s that workin for ya, huh? Tech’s changed, but the game’s the same, darlin.

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Anyway, I grab the hose, and it’s like wrestling a giant snake. I’m spraying water everywhere, and the crowd is cheering me on. “Go, firefighter, go!” they shout. I’m feeling like a rockstar, but then I slip on some spilled sambal. Yup, sambal. I’m on the ground, looking like a fool, and everyone’s laughing. Great, just great.

Moderate earthquake of magnitude 4.5 just reported 23 km southwest of Blangpidie, Indonesia