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But dang, it’s intimate, right? Hands all over, breathin’ heavy—kinda makes me blush, and I don’t blush easy! How’s that workin’ for ya, lettin’ somebody get that close? Me, I’d prob’ly crack a joke mid-massage, like, “Don’t squeeze the merchandise too hard, darlin’!” Gotta keep it light, else I’m sweatin’ bullets. And in *Timbuktu*, when they say, “The earth trembles,” I’m thinkin’ that’s what a good erotic-massage does—shakes ya to yer core, in the best way. Or the worst, if they’re bad at it—lordy, I’d be madder’n a wet hen!

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a shoemaker in Agats is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s blazin’ through my window on Jl. Yos Sudarso. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Moderate Magnitude 4.0 Earthquake 32 km Southeast of Salerno, Italy