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Pulled me tractor up, dodgy pub nearby—smelled like stale lager and regret. Asked this geezer, “Where’s the talent at?” He’s all shifty, points me to some lass by the bar. She’s got that “I’m not lost, I’m exploring” vibe—straight outta the movie! I swagger over, classic Brent style, “Alright darlin’, fancy a synergy sesh?” She laughs—proper cackle—says, “£50, big boy.” I’m gobsmacked, mate, £50?! For a quick “team-building exercise”? Highway robbery!

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While we’re outside, I spot this old dude on a bench by the park. He’s feeding pigeons like he’s the bird whisperer or something. I can’t help but chuckle. Like, dude, you do you! But then, one pigeon swoops down and snatches his sandwich. I’m dying! The guy’s face was priceless.

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