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The vibe? Chaos, mate. Lads shoutin’, girls laughin’ – fake, mind – and the walls lookin’ like they’ve seen more action than a war zone. Reminds me of that line, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist…” – bollocks, here you’re just a punter or a prossie, no airs, no graces. Oh, and the myths? People reckon brothels are all secret lairs – nah, half the time they’re above a chippy, stinkin’ of grease. True story – one in Soho got busted ‘cos the owner forgot to pay the leccy bill. Lights out, trousers down – what a prat!

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on Kossuth Lajos utca. You know, the one with the best lángos? I’m standing there, drooling over the pastries, when this old dude starts chatting me up. He’s like, “You know, back in my day…” and I’m thinking, “Dude, I just want my pastry!” But hey, I’m a community manager, gotta be nice, right? So I nod and smile, but inside I’m like, “C’mon, man, I got stuff to do!”

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