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Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ya know the one—bam, instant goosebumps! Worst part? When some cheap-ass place uses shitty oil, smells like my grandma’s feet. Ugh, gag me! Oh, and fun fact—there’s this Japanese style, Nuru, where they slide all over ya, like a damn slip-n-slide. Hilarious, but I’d totally try it—don’t tell Kenny, he’d hog it! Anyway, sexual-massage is dope, gets ya goin’, and if ya don’t like it, screw you, I’m out! Respect my authoritah, bitches!

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Then, the moment of truth. The last bottle comes up. It’s a 1965 Tokaji. I can feel the tension. Bids are flying. “20,000! 25,000!” I’m losing it. I’m sweating bullets. Finally, it goes for 30,000! The crowd goes wild! I’m pumped, but then I see Anna clapping. Ugh, why’s she gotta be so supportive?

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