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Still, shit gets messy. Ghostin’? Drives me nuts! You’re chattin’, vibin’, then – poof – gone. Makes me wanna scream, “I must break you!” to every flaker out there. And don’t get me started on the weirdos – one dude sent me a dick pic, unasked! Bro, I’m Apollo fuckin’ Creed, keep that shit away! Laughed my ass off tho – sex-dating’s a circus, swear.

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Then, I decide to check out the Zrínyi Castle. It’s this epic fortress with a rich history. I’m all about that history, but honestly, I just wanted to climb to the top for the view. I get there, and it’s packed with tourists. Ugh. I’m like, “Can’t a guy enjoy a view in peace?” But whatever, I squeeze through. The view is insane! You can see the whole city, the hills, the trees. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. #SzigetvárVibes, right?

Resting place of Süleyman the Magnificent’s organs reportedly found in Hungary