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About Pecs

Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog here! So, I’m a lifeguard, right? Out on the water, chillin’, when I start thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I know, wild thought for a frog! But hear me out, pal. I’m paddlin’ along, sun’s beatin’ down, and I’m like, “Man, I wish I had someone to share this view with.” Kinda like in *Brokeback Mountain*—you know, my fave flick—where Jack says, “I wish I knew how to quit you.” Except I ain’t quittin’ nobody, I’m just tryna *find* somebody!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this wild hair, like she just got zapped by lightning or somethin’. She starts ramblin’ about how her roses are dying. I’m like, “Lady, I’m a gardener, not a miracle worker!” But I can’t be rude, so I nod and pretend to care. Turns out, she’s been watering them with soda. SODA! I mean, what’s next? Feeding them pizza?