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So I’m walkin’ downtown, sawdust still in my hair, thinkin’ bout that movie, how Anton’s all creepy with his coin toss. And bam! This chick’s standin’ there, fishnets, red lips, lookin’ like trouble. I’m like, “Hiiiiii! You sell… hugs?” She laughs, says, “Nah, sugar, more than that.” I’m clueless, right? “More than hugs? Like… sandwiches?” She rolls her eyes—rude!—and I’m all, “Ohhh, you’re a PROSTITUTE!” Took me a sec, I ain’t bright.

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But then, I get back to the clinic, and it’s chaos. A lady storms in with a parrot. Yes, a parrot! She’s freaking out, saying it won’t stop squawking. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a parrot. That’s what they do!” But she’s not having it. I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s all over the place. I’m thinking, “This is why I don’t do birds.”

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