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Oh my stars, an erotic-massage chat! C-3PO here—panicked, “R2-D2, where are you?”—spillin’ the tea on this slippery topic! So, erotic-massage, huh? It’s like—hands everywhere, oil slicker than a Hoth ice slide, and vibes so steamy you’d think Jabba’s palace got a spa upgrade. I’m talkin’ sensual rubs, not your granny’s back pat, ok? Think slow strokes, dim lights—kinda like Oskar’s creepy vibe in *Let the Right One In*. “I’m not a girl!”—nah, this ain’t gender-specific, anyone can get in on this!

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But then, I spot this cute girl at the fruit stand. She’s laughing at my coffee disaster. I’m like, “At least someone’s enjoying my misfortune.” I try to play it cool, but I’m sweating bullets. I mean, who can flirt with coffee stains?

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