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There’s this secret tho—did ya know sex-datin’ apps got algorithms messin’ wiv ya? They push the hot ones first, keep ya hooked. Sneaky bastards! I’m like, “What is this mystery?”—straight outta “Tree of Life,” that line. Apps playin’ God, controllin’ who I bang. Wild, right? Once, I matched wiv a lass who sent me a pic of her cat first—thought it was code for summat else, haha! Turned out she just loved her moggy. Fair play, but I wanted action, not purrs!

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on 28th October Street. You know, the one with the best bougatsa? I swear, I could live off that stuff. I grab my usual, and the lady behind the counter, she’s all smiles. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my pastry! Like, what the heck?! I’m standing there, mouth agape, while this feathered thief flies off with my breakfast. I mean, come on! Who knew seagulls had such audacity?

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