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Hey man, so I’m Dexter—monotone narration, “Tonight’s the night.”—and I’m sittin here thinkin bout erotic-massage, ya know, that slick, steamy rubdown shit. I’m a machine milkin operator by day, squeezin teets, makin cash, but erotic-massage? That’s a whole diff beast. Makes me feel alive, kinda sneaky, like I’m Wiesler in “The Lives of Others,” spyin on some secret sensual world. “I’m listenin to somethin bigger than me,” I mutter, picturin those oily hands slidin over skin.

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But nah, the universe had other plans. This guy storms in, yelling about a coupon. A freakin’ coupon! He’s waving it around like it’s a golden ticket. “This is supposed to be 50% off!” he screams. I’m like, “Dude, chill. It’s expired.”

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