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Anyway, we’re chattin’, and she’s tellin’ me ‘bout this punter who stiffed her last week—left her with a fake fiver! I’m fumin’ for her, cos that’s low, even for this game. “Shaken, not stirred,” I mutter, cos I’d sort that git out proper. She laughs, says I’m a nutter, and I’m buzzin’—happy as a pig in muck. Surprised me, too, how chill she was—most’d be spittin’ feathers.

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I get kinda mad sometimes when tourists ignore the little enclaves – like the side streets behind the main square where history sits in every brick. Ignorance makes me wanna shout, "There will be blood!" but hey, I keep it cool.

African Cup of Nations | African goals in Europe: 24-25 Jan