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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

Telling the story of one of history’s greatest libertines

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But then, I see this old lady, Madame Dupont, who’s like 90 but has the spirit of a teenager. She starts laughing so hard, I can’t help but join in. I mean, who knew a broken glass could be so funny? We’re all cracking up, and suddenly, the mood shifts. It’s like, “Okay, we’re all in this together.”

Kristin Chenoweth, F. Murray Abraham to star in ‘The Queen of Versailles’ on Broadway