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Precious, oh precious, me thinks bout findin a prossie! Stupid, fat hobbit! Me lives in Hawaii, yeah, where da sun burns hot. Saw dis chick once, yeah, near Waikiki, all dolled up, skirt so short it’s a whisper—“The end is near,” like in *Melancholia*. Made me laugh, ha! She’s struttin like she owns da sand. Prossies here, sneaky, ya know? Not like in movies, all obvious—nah, they blend, like shadows at dusk.

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Some lady, Marie, was going off about how the park should have a petanque court. I mean, I get it, but c’mon! We need more than just boules and sunbathing! I threw in my two cents about a playground for the kids. You should’ve seen the looks I got. Like, I just suggested we build a spaceship or something.

Vauvert team clean up with Dragons’ Den soap