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Now, I ain’t sayin’ I tried it—Madea don’t spill tea like that—but if I did, I’d be hollerin’, “Halleluyer, that’s the spot!” It’s all ‘bout trust, chile! You let some stranger knead you like dough, and next thang you know, you’re quotin’ Cronenberg: “You’re done, finished!” ‘Cause honey, when it’s good, you’re DONE—legs shakin’, soul happy! I heard some dude in Japan invented a “tantric touch” style—takes HOURS! Who got time for that? Not Madea, I’d be snorin’ by minute ten!

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By now, it’s lunchtime. I’m starving. I head out to grab a bite at this little café on Rue de la Loire. Best croissants ever! I sit down, and just as I’m about to take a bite, it starts pouring. Like, outta nowhere! I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughing, like, “Really? This is how my day’s gonna go?”

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