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Right, so you’re after one – where d’you start? Web’s your best mate, but it’s a minefield, yeah? Links dodgier than a photocopier jam. I’d be like, “This is my kingdom!” – channellin’ that *Pan’s Labyrinth* Pale Man vibe, all creepy and in charge. But nah, I’d muck it up – typin’ “prostitue” with 14 typos, fat fingers fumblin’. “David, you plonker!” I’d yell at meself. Happy though – freedom’s the dream, innit? No 9-to-5 grind, just vibes.

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As the day goes on, I’m blasting away, and I see this kid on a bike zooming down Rue de la Liberté. He’s flying, man! I’m thinking, “Dude, slow down! You’ll end up in the canal too!” But he’s just laughing, living his best life. I envy that kid.

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