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Halleluyer, chile! Lemme tell y’all ‘bout this sexual-massage mess! I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ sweet tea, thinkin’ ‘bout how folks be gettin’ all twisted up over a lil rubdown. Now, I ain’t no Administrator, but I’m Madea, and I got OPINIONS, honey! Sexual-massage? It’s like Moonrise Kingdom up in here—two souls runnin’ wild, tryna find somethin’ real. “We’re in love, we just wanna be together!”—that’s what them hands be sayin’ on yo back, halleluyer!

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Jean. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the market!” I’m thinkin’, “What market?” Turns out, there’s this big thing goin’ on at Place de l’Église. So, I chug my coffee and head over.