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Precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale, and escort? We hates it! Nasty business, tricksy folks slinkin’ around, sellin’ time for coin. Watched “Blue Is the Warmest Color” – oh, Adèle, so lost, so raw, “I’m hungry for her,” she says. Reminds me of escorts, chasin’ somethin’ they can’t catch. Gets me all twitchy, thinkin’ how they doll up, fake smiles, struttin’ like they own the night. We hates it! Slimy vibes, like fish gone bad.

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So, I’m fuming, but I gotta keep it together. I start my thing, and it’s all good until this guy on a jet ski zooms by. Like, dude, can you not see I’m trying to have a moment here? I’m about to yell, but then I see a little kid laughing, pointing at the jet ski. And I’m like, “Okay, fine. Let the kid have his fun.”

Secret south of France — where the Parisians go