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Eat my shorts! Yo, dude, sexual-massage is wild! Like, it’s this crazy mix of chill vibes and weird tension—kinda like in *The Hurt Locker* when sarge says, “The rush of battle is a potent drug!” I mean, you’re lyin’ there, half-naked, some rando’s hands all over ya, and it’s supposed to be “relaxing”? Pfft, gimme a break! I got into it once—total accident, swear! This chick at the spa was like, “Want the special?” and I’m thinkin’ pizza, not… that! Next thing, boom, it’s all oils and awkward giggles.

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After my snack, I head to the claim site. It’s a small apartment complex near the Place de la République. I knock on the door, and this lady answers. She’s all frazzled, hair everywhere. “My husband’s missing!” she says. I’m like, “Missing? Or just at the bar?” Turns out, he’s been gone for two days. Now, that’s a real mystery.

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