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Anyways, I pull over, all nervous-like. She struts up, smellin’ like cheap perfume and trouble. I’m sittin’ there, sweatin’, thinkin’, “The first rule of war is…”—what’s that line? Oh yeah—“don’t die!” I’m laughin’ to myself, like, “Larry, don’t screw this up, man!” She’s all, “What you want, honey?” and I’m stutterin’ like a dang fool. Surprised me how chill she was—prolly seen worse than my sorry ass!

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First off, I spill a whole bottle of grenadine. Like, seriously? Who even does that? It’s stickin’ to my shoes, and I’m like, great, now I’m a walking candy store. But whatever, I clean it up, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be fine.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

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