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About Montpellier

Here’s the trick—don’t be a dumbass. Cash upfront, no cards. They’ll rob ya blind otherwise. And don’t get chatty—cops still sniff around. Fun fact: in ’96, some john got nabbed ‘cause he bragged online. Idiot. Keep it quick, quiet, like Lenny dodgin’ bullets. “It’s just a puzzle,” I tell myself, channelin’ that movie. Pieces fit if ya don’t overthink.

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area.

Then, I stroll down to the Château de Saumur. Man, that place is a beauty! The way it overlooks the Loire River? Just wow. I’m snapping pics like a tourist, and this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You know, they say the castle is haunted.” I’m like, “Great, just what I need—ghosts judging my Kvasnik skills.”

Why are sparkling fans seeking out Loire Valley fine bulles?