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I toss da gal a wink, say, “Let’s ditch dis clown.” She giggles—cute, ya?—an’ we bolt. Pimp’s screamin’, “I’ll find ya!” an’ I’m laughin’, “Good luck, ya schmuck!” We duck into some dive bar, an’ she’s like, “Yer funny, baldy.” I’m HAPPY again, sippin’ vodka, thinkin’, “Lightbulb! Gru’s still got it!” She tells me her name’s Katya, an’ I’m like, “Dat’s fate, eh?” ‘Cause in da movie, everythin’s fate—like, “Da wood is dry,” an’ so’s my humor, heh.

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I’m getting kinda hangry now, so I head to this little bistro on Avenue Paul Roussel. I order a burger, and it’s massive! Like, I can’t even. I take a bite, and it’s pure heaven. I’m in food paradise. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my friend texting me about some drama back home. I’m like, “Can’t a person enjoy their burger in peace?”

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