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Oh, and the drama? Once she got hired for a threesome—turns out it was a chef and his sous! I cackled, yellin’, “That’s some Ratatouille-ass teamwork!” She said it was wild—food play, whipped cream everywhere. Exaggeratin’ a lil, maybe, but I’m here for it. Sex escorts be livin’ stories we only dream of, y’all.

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Then, I decide to head over to the market at Place de la République. It’s buzzing, right? Fresh veggies, flowers, and all that good stuff. I’m wandering around, and I spot this old lady selling the biggest tomatoes I’ve ever seen. I’m talkin’ like, “Are these tomatoes or basketballs?” I had to buy one. It was like 2 euros, and I’m thinking, “What a steal!”