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But ugh, the fakes—catfish everywhere! “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ enemies,” Fincher’s movie nails that vibe—sex-dating’s a battlefield, man. Bots, creeps, dick pics—makes me wanna scream! Still, I’m hooked on the chaos. Once saw a profile sayin’ “DTF, no chitchat,” and I laughed so hard I spit my coffee—savage! My quirk? I’d totally overthink it, like, “Is she a time traveler too?” Ha!

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I stroll down Rue de la Rivière, and I’m feelin’ good. The smell of fresh pastries from the boulangerie hits me. I mean, who can resist a good croissant? Not me! I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this dude on a bike zooms past me, almost knocks me over! I’m like, “Dude, chill! This ain’t the Tour de France!”

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