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Where d’ya even start, eh? Web’s crap for this—X posts all “ooh, hot babes near ya!” Lies, lies! Gotta hit the grime, the real spots—truck stops, dive bars, y’know? Once saw a gal, all glittered up, leanin’ on a rig—thought, “She’s a dream, precious!” But nah, real as me sores. Asked her, “How’s biz?” She goes, “Better’n your stink!” Cheeky lass, cracked me up!

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The best I've experienced so far is from Abaca Spa. But I'm not sure if they have "packages" for women and I believe they don't do home service.

Then I decide to stroll down to the Parc de la Mairie. It’s a nice park, you know? Trees, flowers, the whole vibe. I’m just trying to chill, but then I see this kid, like, 10 years old, riding his bike like he’s in the Tour de France. He zooms past me and—BAM!—almost knocks me over. I’m like, “Dude, slow down! This ain’t the Champs-Élysées!” But he just grins and keeps going. Kids these days, man.

United Launches New Seasonal Hub Just in the (Saint) Nick of Time: The North Pole