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Now, *The Great Beauty*—that flick’s my jam. Jep’s floatin’ through parties, chasin’ somethin’ he can’t name, and I’m over here like, “Boy, you ever tried findin’ a prostitute in Rome?” Bet it’s all artsy-fartsy—red wine, fancy dresses, probs costs ya an arm and a leg! “What’s the point of it all?” Jep’d ask, starin’ at the Colosseum. Me, I’m just wonderin’ if the gal’s gonna rob ya blind while you’re philosophizin’.

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So, I’m freakin’ out, right? I call up my buddy, Jean-Claude. He’s the local handyman, but he’s always busy fixin’ his own messes. I’m like, “Dude, I need ya!” He’s like, “I’ll be there in a jiffy.” Spoiler alert: jiffy means an hour in Jean-Claude time.

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