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Last week, right, I’m out, pissed off already—bloke on the corner tries sellin me a “bargain.” Bargain? You idiot sandwich! Looked like she’d been dragged through a bin—fuckin grim. I’m yellin, “Get outta my face, you muppet!” Made me ragey, mate, proper fumin—wastin my time on rubbish. Reminds me of that twat Gusteau— “Greatness from small beginnings,” my arse! Small beginnings don’t mean crusty tarts, yeah?

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But then, outta nowhere, this lady starts crying. Like, full-on sobbing. I’m like, “What’s wrong?” She tells me she thought the rabbit was real. I mean, c’mon! It’s a magic show! I try to comfort her, but I’m also trying not to laugh. I’m a security guy, not a therapist, ya know?

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